Jokealong: HAMMOCKS

January 4, 2013 § 3 Comments

Since people are continually stumbling onto The Oldest Jokes in the World in search of actual jokes, not just abstract theories about them, every Friday we have a joke-along post. I’ll search through the site’s stats for a specific joke people have been searching for, comb the internet for the best existing examples, and try come up with one of my own. And then you all can add your own in the comments, so the next time someone comes searching, they won’t leave disappointed.

This week, we’re hamming it up over hammocks!


Ever since I bragged about reading in a hammock after coming back to the blog from summer vacation, googlers have continually landed at The Oldest Jokes in the World after searching for “hammock jokes,” joke hammocks,” and “hilarious hammock puns.” And once again, after conducting a search of my own, I can see why: there just aren’t too many hammock jokes out there. I’d thought there was a scarcity of walnut jokes, but at least walnuts look weird and are frustrating to eat; hammocks are just too pleasant to be really funny.

The first resource I consulted was, of course, the Hammock Forum, where the world’s leading hammock experts and aficionados gather to discuss all things hammocks, but on their thread for hammock jokes, they’d only managed to amass a few feeble puns. I knew I was in trouble as soon as I saw this was the best they could come up with:

Q: What are you doing in that hammock?

A: Just hanging out.

Clicking through several pages of results, the closest thing I could find to funny was this story joke—but then hammocks only play a minor role in the backstory, so choosing it felt like cheating. And it wasn’t that funny anyways. But the fact that one of the top ten google results for hammock jokes has a “Bill Clinton is a horndog” punchline should give you an idea of how many great hammock jokes have been written in the past decade.

Besides an actual human being named Joke Hammock, I found nothing else worth mentioning, so I choose this Simpson’s bit from the great Hank Scorpio episode as the greatest hammock joke in existence. I think it works as a comedic dialogue because, as I said above, there isn’t actually anything exciting to say about hammocks.

With that in mind, I decided to go the language pun-fun route with my contribution to the genre:

Q: What did the castaway do with the crate of SPAM that washed up on shore of his deserted island?

A: He built an ad-hoc mock-ham-hock-block hammock.

I hope that helps you out if you’ve arrived here in need of a winning hammock joke. And if you’re just here for fun, please do join the conversation and submit a joke of your own. I made a promise to myself to avoid banana-hammock jokes for this post, but that doesn’t mean you have to!

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